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About Me Member Experimental Photographer DementedDB20/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 4 Years
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Devious Journal Entry

Mon Oct 19, 2009, 8:23 PM
you know...obviously I'm still going through a lot...my heart still hurts and I can't feel love....I can feel attraction and affection, but I can't connect on a deeper level. I think that's the reason why I'm turning to Kyle right now...because I know him and he's gorgeous and I've always liked him and felt a connection with him so naturally in my time of need when I need someone it's him I turn to...but it fails me because he's got a girlfriend and just like in the past I know that nothing's going to come of it.

Also I've been thinking a lotto day about relationships....with a male adult figure....I had a father growing up but in my life I never had a dad. My "Dad" was always absentee, even when we were visiting I never felt like I could go to him for anything, because I could, he never knew who I was and until this day he still doesn't know who I am. My father on the other hand, he's always physically been there, but he never knew how to emotionally be there. It was never something he learned..and Asperger's didn't help. I always felt pushed to the side, and part of that was my depression, but part of it was because we really never had a connection...nothing like the relationship he had with my brother or sister. My mother told me the other day they were talking about me and he said something really nice...and I can't get it out of my mind...how could he think such things about me, yet sit there and cut my christmas present to him up right in front of me?

I think my father issues are the reason I have issues with guys...I've never had a strong relationship where the guy was always there both emotionally and physically..I think I'm terrified that a guy is going to leave me, one way or another. Somehow I always rush into relationships that fail in the first couple of weeks, but I never let relationships just happen...but I guess i've never met a guy with the exception of Jeremy that I feel a real relationship could happen with. I just have to keep faith that one day I will.

  • Mood: Defeated
  • Reading: Blame It On The Chocolate
  • Watching: Army Wives Season 1
  • Playing: Bejeweled

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: A place where dreams are made
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: M-L
  • Interests: walking, photography, music, friends, talking, reading, love, singing, love, love
  • Favourite movie: Grease, The Holiday, Coyote Ugly, Rent
  • Favourite style of art: Photography // portraits
  • Skin of choice: my own
  • Favourite game: Honey I love you, won't you please please smile?
  • Favourite cartoon character: Piglet
  • Tools of the Trade: powershot A580

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Comments


:iconelphaba-kim-cullen:
Btw, I love your signature! I smile everytime I read it. :love: And then the song plays in my head for the next few minutes with me occasionally singing along! :sing:
Did you see Idina Menzel sing it?! That was AMAZING!!! :faint: If you haven't you definitely need to!
Ok well...I shall leave you in peace so I can return to my homework...^^;
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:iconraybanshades315:
Thanks for the Favorite!
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:iconelphaba-kim-cullen:
Aww! Thanks for the watch!!! :glomp:
:icontwoofhearts:
:glomp: :heart:

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:icontwoofhearts:
:hug:

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