Got snowed into a hotel in WV My fishy died Boy won't respond to me Friends are too busy for me Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat Missing the family x-mas get-together
SO.....life has been changing a lot... I'm dropping out of West Ga and enrolling in West Ga Tech across town. I am really heart broken to leave my jobs. Career Services is the best job I've ever had and without it I never would have realized my own goals in life. I'm going to miss RA because I've gotten close to a lot of these residents and to leave them in the middle of the year it breaks my heart....and they're sad because I'm leaving which makes it harder...
Also....part of me is still really hurt and not wanting a relationship but....at the same time...I've got an infatuation...with this guy who's so sweet...he gives the best hugs, he's got beautiful eyes, he likes me, he makes me smile...and he's a resident...one reason I'm glad I'm leaving...he won't be my resident anymore. I doubt anything will happen, but it's always good to heave a dream right?
ugh...anyways...that's my life now a days, wrapping things up and stuff
you know...obviously I'm still going through a lot...my heart still hurts and I can't feel love....I can feel attraction and affection, but I can't connect on a deeper level. I think that's the reason why I'm turning to Kyle right now...because I know him and he's gorgeous and I've always liked him and felt a connection with him so naturally in my time of need when I need someone it's him I turn to...but it fails me because he's got a girlfriend and just like in the past I know that nothing's going to come of it.
Also I've been thinking a lotto day about relationships....with a male adult figure....I had a father growing up but in my life I never had a dad. My "Dad" was always absentee, even when we were visiting I never felt like I could go to him for anything, because I could, he never knew who I was and until this day he still doesn't know who I am. My father on the other hand, he's always physically been there, but he never knew how to emotionally be there. It was never something he learned..and Asperger's didn't help. I always felt pushed to the side, and part of that was my depression, but part of it was because we really never had a connection...nothing like the relationship he had with my brother or sister. My mother told me the other day they were talking about me and he said something really nice...and I can't get it out of my mind...how could he think such things about me, yet sit there and cut my christmas present to him up right in front of me?
I think my father issues are the reason I have issues with guys...I've never had a strong relationship where the guy was always there both emotionally and physically..I think I'm terrified that a guy is going to leave me, one way or another. Somehow I always rush into relationships that fail in the first couple of weeks, but I never let relationships just happen...but I guess i've never met a guy with the exception of Jeremy that I feel a real relationship could happen with. I just have to keep faith that one day I will.
Goodnight, my someone, Goodnight, my love, Sleep tight, my someone, Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.
Sweet dreams be yours, dear, If dreams there be Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight
True love can be whispered from heart to heart When lovers are parted they say But I must depend on a wish and a star As long as my heart doesn't know who you are.
Sweet dreams be yours dear, If dreams there be Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish they may and I wish they might Now goodnight, my someone, goodnight. Goodnight, Goodnight.
and this will be the way it is until my heart finds the one who completes it. Until I can be whole and happy once again. Goodnight my someone, goodnight.
Life
Annoyed
Attraction
Content
Defeated
Promiscuous
