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:icondementeddb:

~DementedDB

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Forever Came and Went

Thu Oct 1, 2009, 1:20 PM
I need to be honest and tell someone the truth.
I don't even know who I'm telling because I don't know who reads this...

but I'm not okay
I can't feel anything.
I constantly want to cry - but can't
I feel dazed and confused
I'm lost
I have no appetite
- meaning I eat maybe once a day
I'm anxious
I have no emotions
I don't have anyone I can talk to
I want to physically hurt myself
- don't worry, I'm not going to

I can't tell anyone and it's killing me keeping it inside.
I am having to eat my words.

This weekend was supposed to be everything
And it could have been but I fucked it up. I don't know what to do
I don't know how to get through this

I really wanna drop out of school
I hate it I am not motivated (I wasn't before this and definitely not now)
This is going to be quite possibly my worst semester yet

I need to go hang out with Lee and Ashley but I can't even do that
they're going back packing....
I can't go with them because I have work, resstar and a lame ass program.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK



...and I'm severely annoyed with this computer because I can't download my syllabus to see what we're doing tonight and I can't change the mood on this damn this and fucking dell called me today AFTER I spent fucking $70 on a new AC adapter.

...and after all of that...I'm pmsing


FML


forever came and went
Forever stumbled through
Forever had poor sense of time and made a mess of me and you
Forever had us fooled
We fell for it again
Now time is standing still forever

8 Comments
  • Mood: Big Grin
  • Listening to: white noise
  • Reading: A Taste of Magic
  • Eating: my words

Devious Comments

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:iconabaddona:
~Abaddona Oct 2, 2009, 3:36:18 AM
You have depression.
I've had it (well someone took notice) since 99. But seriously I think I was depressed all through high school. I was seeing a psych last year and found out depression is also connected to anxiety (i'm sociophobic) and insomnia (insomnia is lack of sleeping AND sleeping too much). I never get hungry - I only eat cos I know I have too. Pills don't do alot..but maybe you should find someone you can talk too? I got put on 2 types of pills when I was first diagnosed..one made me sleep all the time and the other affected my personality and I had no recollection of anything I was doing. There are so many types though it can take ages to work out whats right for each person.

--
[link]
:icondementeddb:
~DementedDB Oct 2, 2009, 7:38:20 AM
I know I am, I've been depressed before, 8 years from 10-18...These feelings will pass. Pills never worked for me...in fact they didn't affect me one way or another but maybe that's cause I didn't take them like I was supposed to., and talking to someone never worked for me, something in my mind won't let me open up...there's a door that is jammed shut. Unfortunately what I need is to move and start a new life but I can't do that for another year and a half

--
~*Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to!
If someone takes a spill,
Its me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!*~

<3 Funny Girl
Barbra Streisand
:iconabaddona:
~Abaddona Oct 3, 2009, 2:26:03 AM
Yeah :( I could never talk to anyone..I got sent to councellors twice over the years and refused to talk. One decided I didn't have serious issues based off that! But the person I saw last year I did open up too..maybe age has something to do with it..or stress levels. I had my aunt causing a huge amount of stress on me so I needed a vent - I had 2 friends at the time so noone else to talk too cos they weren't there to help.

I've known lots of peeps who've been on pills for it. I only had to take 1 a day, others I know had to take a few. One guy was on a huge dose and it didn't help him any. But others they do help.

--
[link]
:icondementeddb:
~DementedDB Oct 3, 2009, 10:25:30 AM
I appreciate your support :)

lucky this one is a quicker passing one...induced by heartbreak. I'm still suffering but it's getting better...and hey! i got a tattoo hahahah

thank you :heart:

--
~*Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to!
If someone takes a spill,
Its me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!*~

<3 Funny Girl
Barbra Streisand
:iconabaddona:
~Abaddona Oct 4, 2009, 12:34:15 AM
haha no probs :)

Whats the tatt??

--
[link]
:icondementeddb:
~DementedDB Oct 4, 2009, 4:45:50 PM
The top of my foot. I put up a picture of it :)

--
~*Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to!
If someone takes a spill,
Its me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!*~

<3 Funny Girl
Barbra Streisand
:iconbuffcheerleading:
~buffcheerleading Oct 6, 2009, 9:28:50 AM
<3 just remember i am here if you ever need someone to talk to...I can offer chris up as a punching bag...that normally helps me <3

--
~Hamster


*squeek*
:icondementeddb:
~DementedDB Oct 6, 2009, 10:26:49 AM
Thanks, but talking fails and I'm a perfect punching bag for myself lol :D

--
~*Don't tell me not to fly--
I've simply got to!
If someone takes a spill,
Its me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade!*~

<3 Funny Girl
Barbra Streisand
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