I guess it's important to find humor in the 'worst' situations...in this case mono...it's pretty definite that I gave mono to Jeremy. He won't begin to see the effects for another 2-3 weeks assuming he really did get it, but there's no doubt I did give it to him...I had symptoms before we went to the beach, i just didn't realize.

Anyways....I'm still hurting...things aren't the same and I hate that...I've seen the guy I fell in love with since we got back, but not often...it's like his heart isn't there. I thought that being with me for a couple days that I would be enough. I really did...but it turns out being me and having been there for him for the past 3 years and loving him ISN'T enough and it never will be. I was crazy to believe it.

I need to let go and move on. It's going to be a slow and painful process, I know that. I mean, you give 3 years of your life and your heart to 1 person, you don't get over that quickly...i know, I've tried to move on...but I think this is the straw that's breaking the camel's back...I've done all I can do and I've loved all I can love to the point I don't think I can love anymore. Him or anyone else. I am at a point I can't even be turned on anymore...that's never happened before.

I dunno...guess I'll just wait and see what tomorrow will bring.

Always fallen for these bad boys,
Such a challenge
I'm getting tired of cleaning
Up after them
I think I'm ready to be a woman
Oh love I think I'm ready
Ready for it